WTF is going on?

When work takes up the majority of your life hours, it really does become your second home and the people there become your extended family; well, at least the people you like.  Over time we develop bonds that grow stronger with each new shared experience, we build trust (particularly important in nursing), we learn about our home lives, we begin to rely on these people to keep our selves balanced.  When one hurts, we hurt.  When one celebrates, we all congratulate.  It's a relationship that can last for years beyond the last day worked together, and it's real.  That's why it can be so hard when one of them just goes away; no explanation, no warning, and no one to help us understand.

Today we were told our manager "resigned" with no other information.  It's hard for a team to lose it's leader even when it's expected; particularly one who is well-liked and valued for leading with a humanity not often found in that role.  The lack of warning breeds anger and resentment, which is not conducive to caring for our patients nor ourselves.

A broken team is no longer a team.  Leaders must emerge from within to return balance in order for the team to continue it's purpose and to heal.  Am I ready to be one of them?  I lead in my current role, but this is at another level.  It's only the first day of this news and I've been contacted by multiple peers asking if I am going to pursue the job.  I want to appease them, but I worry about moving into a manager role that feels expendable now.  Do I take the risk to help the team that I value so much? 

I'm giving myself until Monday to decide, otherwise I'll linger until someone else steps up and an opportunity could be missed.  Oh, happy weekend.

Two days in a row? Are you freaking kidding?

Wow.  Two posts, two days in a row.  I think I'm on a winning streak! 

In all honesty, if I weren't down for the count with a raging case of pink eye and a respiratory infection wrought with copious amounts of mucous, I would likely be doing something more active than blogging about my mundane day.  I would like to thank my tiny baby friend for the chance to suffer a snotty death now that she feels better.  Love ya, kid.

If I didn't have my favorite Doctor, the brilliant David Tennant, to entertain me I don't know how I would survive.  Let's be honest; Matt Smith is good, but David is the all-time best.  Have you seen him in Hamlet?  Gorgeous.

Um...yeah...

Once again, my intentions of daily blogging have gone out the window, flown away, returned briefly to be fed, were denied at said window, flown away again, and have now returned as if to say, "feed me now, you damn intention killer".  Fine.  I will give this one more try before I eventually come to the harsh realization that I just can't commit.  Hence my divorce and broken engagement within the past 10 years.... I'm a free spirit who cannot be held to the unrealistic expectations that I have set for myself, and I refuse to bow down to my own...wait.  Dammit.

Well, it appears that my last intended attempt was in 2011.  Wow, what a schlep I am.  I'm sure that was a time when I was filled with Christmas hope, joy in graduating with my Master's degree, and a wide-eyed anticipation of so much free time.  Ha!  Since that time I have been looking to punish myself with another round of school, struggled with finding time for my relationship with my wonderful man, moving one child to college (then back again), and oh yeah, that little bugger called my first grandchild.  I can't imagine why blogging fell apart (note sarcasm, please). 

This is my little bean, Ariana.  After my initial reaction of "no way will I be a grandma at 38" and "you're only 17, you stupid teenager", this little nugget has made me into a softie who gives her pretty much anything she wants, or anything I think she wants.  She also makes me say, "sure, I can pick up overtime; I have a kid to spoil rotten".  Darn kids.

Speaking of work, it has again become mundane after a brief period of feeling content.  I've toyed with finding a new job so many times, but I can't seem to leave where I am.  I have a great schedule, great co-workers, and a salary that supports my single motherhood quite well.  Therefore, I continue the constant battle of fending off demented aggressors with sharp old lady fingernails, incontinence abound, and feeling like a walking germ everyday.  I write this as I'm sick as a dog, blaming work all the way, when in reality that sweet little bean you see above has shared her nasty bugs with her beloved G. 

I will leave this post with a thought given to me by a patient deep in his Alzheimers, "these aren't my teeth".

Well holy crap, I've totally forgotten that I have this tiny little blog.  I guess that my determination to post on a regular basis has proved pitiful.  Do I take this opportunity to tell myself that this will be my New Year's resolution; blog or else?  We'll see, but for now I'll just say that the goal of doing the best I can will have to do.

Christmas Eve is tomorrow, and despite the annual plummeting of my emotions into the despair that comes with the loss of family traditions, I find myself in an almost reflective state; I'm thinking about how fortunate I am to have what I do.  I have a healthy family, a home, a great job, great co-workers, and the ability to hold it all together on my own.  I have someone who began as a great friend and quickly became the love of my life.  Oh yeah, and I have a freaking awesome dog (if I forget him he gets offended).  Rather than dwell on what I don't have I choose to reflect on what I do have, which is a lot.  It's easy to fall into the "woe is me" attitude when things don't go our way or when we feel the world has given us the short end of the deal.  To people who spend their days lamenting about what they don't have, I challenge them to look at the positive.  We all have things that aren't ideal, but there is always someone who has it worse. 

So getting back to that goal of blogging, I'll take in under consideration.  For now, if anyone is listening, Merry Christmas (and watch out for that scary Santa)!

It's been a while...

I haven't posted in a few months, but I'm only here to say I've lost 8 pounds!  I would like to thank my dog for being so fat that daily walks are therapeutic, thereby benefiting my fat ass in the process.  That is all.

So about those cons...

Well, I've decided that the cons aren't so terrible; I've accepted the new job.  That's all I've got.

The cons outweigh the pros

There's a new job that I can have if I want it; 12-hour night shifts, 72 hours per pay period, every third weekend.  This comes out to mean that I would get about 8 days off every three weeks.  Sounds good, yes?  It would be in the critical care float pool; I would work in the ICU, Cardiac Critical Care and the Emergency Room.  It would be a great experience, but the more I think about it, the benefits are not as great as the job I have worked hard to get that I already have.  I don't work weekends, I work 4 day shifts of my 10, I have an office to focus in, and a great team to work with on both day and night shifts.  If I go to the float pool, I have no real team, no camaraderie that comes with a consistent group of coworkers.  I would get bounced from unit to unit, getting probably the crappy assignments because I'm a float, so no patient continuity.  I have to decide by November 30th.  What to do?  What to do?